"Society has to change fundamentally." - Interview with Stefanie Knaab

Stefanie Knaab: With control. This form of psychological violence almost always plays a role in violent relationships - as various studies have shown. Violence starts when I am no longer able/allowed to shape my life freely because of the relationship and where I have to restrict myself. In addition to psychological violence, there is also economic violence, for example when my partner controls my money, doesn't want me to go to work or takes on debts in my name. Social violence, when my partner isolates me from my environment or wants to influence where I can go and who I meet. Digital violence, such as cyberstalking, when people spy on me digitally, monitor my cell phone or insult me digitally. Doxing also falls under this area, which means that my data (address, workplace, account details, insurance numbers) is published against my will. And sexualized violence, which can also manifest itself as digitalized violence, for example when (nude) pictures of me are published without my consent, when deepfakes of me are created and published or my partner touches me in an unwanted sexualized way or I am forced to perform sexual acts against my will. Physical violence is therefore only the tip of the iceberg and is often associated as the only type of violence. This is one of the reasons why many victims do not dare to discuss this violence with experts, as they fear that the violence is not bad enough or that it is their fault that the violence is happening to them. Violence starts when my gut feeling becomes uncomfortable and things happen that I don't want and that are not good for me.

Stefanie Knaab: Since official figures on gender-based violence and femicides were published for the first time last year - incidentally, a survey that the Istanbul Convention has long obliged Germany to conduct - it is not possible to say for sure. The fact is that these are only the cases known to the police, i.e. the so-called "bright field". In order to be able to answer this clearly, a comprehensive dark field study would be needed to shed light on those cases that were not reported. Such a survey has been commissioned, the last one is unfortunately more than 21 years old. It found that one in four women had suffered domestic and sexualized violence in their partnership at least once in their lives. Over the years, there have been smaller surveys at state level, for example in Lower Saxony in 2022, which showed that only every 215th act of domestic violence is ever reported. One of the reasons for this is that unfortunately not all forms of violence constitute a criminal offense. The study also found that many victims are afraid of the consequences of reporting the violence or do not (yet) name it as such. The study from Lower Saxony suggests that it is more likely to be a actual increase in cases of gender-based partner violence.

Stefanie Knaab: Society needs to change fundamentally. First of all, it must be understood that gender-based violence maintains the patriarchal status quo in society. It is therefore a stabilizing construct in a violent, patriarchal society and, in the logic of patriarchy, it also points those potentially affected to their places, sometimes through the mere fear of violence. So we have to start very early in order to get misogynistic images out of people's heads. This requires gender-sensitive and emotional education from an early age. We need an in-depth examination of misogynistic and sexist images in literature and film as well as in our entire culture. We need mandatory perpetrator work programs for people who use violence. And we need consistent implementation of all the measures envisaged by the Istanbul Convention. This includes stable funding for the entire anti-violence sector nationwide, as was originally intended with the Ampel coalition's Violence Assistance Act. In some regions of Germany, those affected have to pay for their own shelters, of which there are currently only around 6,000 in Germany, almost 15,000 too few to guarantee the minimum standard. We need a serious fight against poverty and affordable housing, because in Asha Hedayati's words: "It cannot be that those affected have to choose between violence or poverty. These are all basic and probably expensive undertakings, but in view of the alarming figures, it is an absolute disaster if this money is not taken in hand.

Stefanie Knaab: I was in an abusive relationship for four years. My therapist recommended that I write myself letters describing the violence. I could read them in good and non-violent phases of the relationship and recognize the spiral of violence behind it - my ex-partner always said: "It wasn't like that at all, I didn't mean it like that, you're exaggerating." These letters were one of the reasons I broke up. It wasn't until months later that I learned that what happened to me was violence. I would never have looked for 'help with domestic violence'. So I knew first-hand how hard it is to get information, especially if you don't know what you're looking for. After that, I looked into the issue of domestic violence and saw how incredibly difficult it is to take a legal route, especially in terms of evidence. This combination gave me the idea for an app. First and foremost, it should provide support for those affected so that they can reflect on their situation and get the help they need. It should help those affected to recognize the patterns. At the same time, it is intended to make the documentation of inflicted violence in an integrated violence diary firstly safer and secondly usable in court, should those affected decide to report the violence. It is not primarily intended to be a law enforcement app, but a digital tool that supports the empowerment of those affected. At some point, victims may realize: "This is already the tenth entry. And the entries are all similar. I don't deserve this. That's not okay"

Stefanie Knaab: I wish that everyone would take more notice and intervene. Violence starts with sexist comments and jokes. Above all, we need men to tell other men: "That's not acceptable!" And: We need to listen to those affected and, above all, believe them! We already have a solid feminist movement, but it's not big enough yet. We need a movement across society that stands together and united against intimate partner violence. And: We need men who do not tolerate such behavior in their circle of friends. One in four women is affected. We all know victims and we all know perpetrators. There is someone in each of our circles of friends who perpetrates violence and can continue to do so if we do not address degrading, sexualizing and abusive behaviour and offer those affected the opportunity to talk about it and be believed.